Friday, 27 September 2013



                                                                Apologies to the Rolling Stones                                                 John Ross©

                Samuel Smyth always thought of himself as being very attractive to the opposite sex and the events of the past three weeks had bolstered this view.

                 One month ago a disastrous affair with his secretary had seen her depart the firm in tears. Then just a week later the very first girl he interviewed for the position started to flirt with him as soon as she entered the room. Her name was Ruby and befitting her name she had flaming red hair. She was not beautiful in the classical sense but had a great figure, which she was showing to its best advantage. She also had a wicked grin and a way about her that instantly aroused his interest.  She was the only person interviewed that day as he gave her the job and sent the other applicants home unseen.

                Within a week of her starting they were meeting for coffee at a private little cafe after work. After ten days they would both find themselves ‘by accident’ in the filing room for a quick kiss and cuddle.  Then just a few days ago when she arrived at work Ruby asked if he could drive her home that evening as her car had broken down. All day Samuel was like a little child who on Christmas morning just can’t wait to open his presents. All day Ruby teased him whenever she came into his office; showing just a little more than usual of her long legs when she sat down and purposely leaning over his desk to show off her ample cleavage.

                However, all of Samuel’s dreams of an evening of passion alone with the ravishing Ruby came crashing down when they pulled up in front of her flat. The upstairs light was on and Ruby announced that they definitely would not be able to go inside as that meant that her flatmate was home. His disappointment soon changed when to console him Ruby gave him the most passionate, mind blowing kiss that he had ever experienced. The car windows steamed up, and Samuel’s mind was just beginning to think that he might not miss out after all when Ruby leaned back hard on the car horn. The resulting loud undulating sound seemed to go on forever. Lights came on up and down the street and one elderly lady actually peeked out her front door. The moment was shattered. Samuel drove home cursing and constantly thumping the steering wheel to release his frustration.

                The next Tuesday, during their now regular session in the filing room, between kisses, Ruby asked if his wife was still away on her business trip to Brisbane. Samuel, instantly realising what prompted the question, said that she was and would not be back for another week. Ruby, with one of her cheeky grins asked if it was a king size bed in their bedroom. After another long kiss Ruby pulled back and said, ‘I know it’s your birthday tomorrow and tonight I want to give you a special birthday present.’

                It was soon all arranged. After work Samuel picked Ruby up a few streets away from the office. Ruby said they should do this so no one from the office could start any mischievous gossip. She also insisted that he let it be known around the office that he was driving up to Brisbane to spend the rest of the week with his wife. They drove via the back streets to Samuel’s house and before arriving Ruby got into the back seat and hid under Samuel’s coat. This was Ruby’s idea so that no neighbours would see her. Samuel drove straight into the garage and Ruby stayed hidden until the garage door closed.

                Samuel could hardly wait and had his tie and shirt and Ruby’s blouse off before they even entered the house.

                Samuel fumbled the door into the house open and stumbled into the darkened room.

                Suddenly there was a loud shout of, ‘SURPRISE’, and all the lights came on.

                Samuel staggered backwards with shock. He instantly thought, ‘Shit!  Margaret has organised a surprise birthday party for me.’

                His eyes became adjusted to the glare. There was no birthday cake, no candles, no party hats, no champagne, no friends and the floor was covered in a large plastic sheet. There was just his wife Margaret and in her hand was a huge colt 45 with a long cylindrical silencer attached aimed directly at his chest.

                He was stunned, frozen to the spot and speechless.

                Ruby walked over to stand beside his wife and took a small pink revolver from her purse and pointed it at him.

                Margaret said, ‘Great timing. We are actually ahead of schedule. Plenty of time for me to keep my rendezvous with that lying, cheating husband of yours and for you to get home and prepare things.’

                ‘Now, Samuel where do you think it is appropriate for me to aim first?’      






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